Every day I come home,
after a long day of being alive
and I get in my pajamas
and I get my favorite blanket
and I sit on the couch with my mom
We watch America’s Funniest Home Videos
and we laugh until we cry
and can’t take it anymore
Everyday when my whole heart hurts
and my throat swells
and someone says something that stings
or I break something
or get a bad grade on something I worked hard on
I think to myself,
“at least America’s Funniest Home Videos will be on tonight”
NYU decisions come out in two Fridays and I’m really, really nervous. I’ve never felt this overwhelmed and scared and uncertain in my entire life. But I think I’m okay with it. I’d be more than happy if I got in, of course. It’s my dream, it’s everything I could ever want or wish for.
But at the same time, if I’m not accepted, that just means that it’s not where I’m supposed to be. Because I’ll end up exactly where I’m supposed to be and I’m not worried about that. I’m just worried Ill be disappointed in myself.
I live for the people who come into my life without warning and turn everything around. One day I just messaged this boy I used to think was cute on Facebook asking him to help me with my NYU application, and next thing I know he’s telling me I give him hope.
He spoke to me with such kindness, with no intent. No purpose- just to be him. Exactly who he was. His words had depth, they weren’t empty. They turned my life around, and gave me the strength to go forward. I wish I could tell him thank you, but he would insist that it was nothing… Just words. Just simple, honest words.
I remember before I ever drank or smoked or did any drugs really, I would hear people say things like, “let’s tell each other things drunk we wouldn’t usually say sober.” I used to tell myself, “how can someone be in such a state that they can say things drunk that they wouldn’t normally say sober? How does that make any sense?”
It’s really quite strange when you think about it, how all of us consume these things and just let go. Let go of our fears, let go of our cares, let go of our judgement. Let go of everything.
Some of us don’t understand how it could be so addicting. But then again when you really think about it… How couldn’t it be?
2013 is gonna be a weird fucking year im calling it right now
I HATE ACCIDENTALLY HURTING DOGS THEY SCREAM AND THEN THEY ACT LIKE THEYRE SORRY AND ITS THEIR FAULT AND THEY TRUSTED YOU AND YOU FUCKING STEPPED ON THEM OR PICKED THEM UP WRONG THEY TRUSTED YOU AND YOU HURT THEM
Who honestly cares what anyone else thinks about you? All you should care about is how you think about yourself. Because the only opinion that matters is how you feel about you. And you is pretty fucking amazing
Does anyone wanna fall in love? Ill buy you presents and make you notes and watch your favorite movies and sing you your favorite songs
We can go to the park and to the beach at night, we can bake cookies and learn how to knit and we can cuddle all the time